No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
