There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You pole danced in your parka.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
