Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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