Non-Jews are for practice
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
