I faked an abortion last night.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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