hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize