I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
