Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
