put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
