she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
