Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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