guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
