Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got inside last night via doggy door
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
