and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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