If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
