I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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