How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
