so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize