let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
