Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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