When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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