Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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