The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
