That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
