Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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