Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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