somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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