I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Randomize
