Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
