Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
