dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
