alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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