it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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