This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
pray to the hookup gods
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
