What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
