now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize