woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
