2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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