so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
