there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
