last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
