i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
