I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
