It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize