Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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