I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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