so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
