did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
