she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
