He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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