The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
