Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize