I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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