I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
