I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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