I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
