There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize