You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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