Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
