I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You are a genius and a whore.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
