If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We have started to decorate penises.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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