I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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