They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
