Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The uberlube is also flammable
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize