Plan B is the new Plan A
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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