Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I understand Curling. That high.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
