Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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