You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
