Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
