I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize