when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
