he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
