I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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