Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
