Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
