Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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