3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
did i walk over a car last night?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
