I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
