The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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