i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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