I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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