his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
