A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
