dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
