i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize