i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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