I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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