I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
