Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
