what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
