And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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