final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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