these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
