Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
