Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
