i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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