After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Let's paint friendship bongs
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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