I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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