so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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