i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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