wakey wakey hands off snakey
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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