Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
