After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
