Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
