we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
