he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
