Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
