Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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