On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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