I could have mohawked her pubes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
