R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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