He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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